Bandslam (Film Review)

In cinemas August 13^th 2009

Director: Todd Graff

Runtime: 111mins

In Bandslam, writer/director Todd Graff has created a world where ten high schoolers can instinctively create a hit song with ten minutes notice (one minute per member!); music nerds aren’t ostracised as know-it-all jerks; and a band can go from insipid to “interesting” with a montage.

Will Burton (Gaelan Connell) is the new kid at a New Jersey high school obsessed with an annual tri-state Battle-of-Bands competition – Bandslam. In his first week at school, Will meets Sa5m (Vanessa Hudgens), an edgy ex-stutterer and advocate of silent-numeric-inclusions-in-personal-nouns. Charlotte Banks (a clearly not 16 year-old, Aly Michalka) is the too-good-to-be-true guitar goddess who sees a certain je ne sais quoi in Will and sets about educating him in cool music – starting with the Velvet Underground & Nico. Will is soon revealed to be a closet music aficionado, whose encyclopaedic knowledge of bands and an understanding of the technical elements of composition, leads Charlotte let him manage her band. Under the expert and youthful hand of Will, the band develops its own sound and has a fighting chance in this year’s Bandslam; whilst simultaneously, an awkward romance develops between Will and Sa5m.

Intolerably running towards nearly two hours, Bandslam was so annoying that it felt like I was being smashed in the face by a seven-string guitar made of broken dreams. I have always understood that kid’s movies are meant to entertain above all else, and are allowed a certain licence to be contrived and predictable. However, I found this film more cringe inducing and suffocatingly predictable than the average effort. The namedropping in Bandslam is so excessive, it’s almost competitive: mention as many bands and pop culture references as you can in two hours and… win a puppy! For his flop, Graff has won a fricking litter of floppy eared scamps.

The acting is either wooden or over-the-top all round, with the sole exception of Hudgens who brings a charm to the uninspiring script but whose appearance in the film is far too brief. Michalka’s Charlotte has little-to-no charisma and her too cool attitude seems artificial and generally unbelievable. Connell is a boring lead man; and the fact that Will directs his attentions to a try-hard band, rather than the fine piece of ass next to him in Social Studies, does not warm me to the character at all. Rather – it had me on my feet yelling at Sa5m, “KICK HIM IN THE FACE! HE IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR POO!”

All things said – unless you are very young; support one filmmaker’s quest for a fictional puppy; or have some sort of shameful Lisa Kudrow fixation (ol’ Phoebe makes an appearance as Will’s mother) – this film is not worthy of your poo.

1/5

Note: Not sure why I forgot to put up this review. It's amongst my favourites out of what I've written.